insane.

there should be a picture here, however im at college, and the nature of the image i would like to post here, wouldnt be acceptable by college computer security settings. if i had it my way, it would be a picture of some executioner, with the gallows in veiw being him. it would represent the impending doom that awaits me in the form of my father.

it is precisely 11.30am, wednesday morning, and i am already comtemplating suicide.

i went to bed last night, happily tired, at 9pm - although i had been ready to pass out at about 7.10pm. i had plans for liv and victoria to stay at mine this evening; to take them both for an evening of aerobics at mother's class; for us all to have fajitas for tea; and to generally have a nice relaxing evening. overall, i was happy and relaxed after my 3 mile jog, perhaps even content at my accomplishment.

BUT morning makes its entrance, and after a nice long night in bed, all such optimism is diminshed. First of all, i get up half an hour late at 7.30am, and proceed in getting in the bath 20 minutes before i have to leave the house.

Then, the father leaves without me, therefore establishing massive uproar between me and mum, who promtly threw me out. I wasnt even allowed a suitcase; i began packing my ridiculous amount of clothes into black bin liners.

It was then, during a fit of tears, swearing and throwing clothing and half full bags at the boiler room door, that i came to acknowledge the fact that, yes, yes i might actually be mentally unstable. I was then late for college, because i obviously missed the school bus.

(looking back, i find it kind of funny, the fact that eventhough i had come to such downfall this morning, realising that there is something wrong with my brain, i mark it on the same level as getting to college late!)

However, after a calm car journey with mum and a breif encounter with Laurence in Lounge on 2, i felt better, and went to my lesson at 9.40am.

So in less than 3 hours, i have gone from being moderately unpopular with the rents, to very unpopular with the rents (especially after i stamped on the house phone and smashed up the back of it), to becoming a walking talking dictionary for swear-words, to homeless, to mentally insane and emotionally fragile, to being in deep, deep shit, to finally coming to a slight sense of melancholy.

So it is at this point in the morning, that i am going to tell all you readers (if there are infact any of you out there) about plans for a new poem, inspired by my current emotion. It is simply titled, 'Shit'. Which i think somes it up pretty well.

I have decided that i will infact be bring liv and victoria back home with me tonight, it might just prolong my father's attempts at decapitating me for just one night at least.

urgh, computers on 3, not the most private of places to spill out your inner most thoughts - i now have an audience it would seem.


bleurrghy a.