my life, my world, my room (:

ok so im here because its yet another attempt to vent some of the daydreams and subconscious stories my mind creates - an attempt at making some of them tangible. this is who i am - a daydreamer, a romantic. i am weirdly, distinctively aware of my surroundings and i was born too late by about 340 years (meaning that one of my obsessions is history - anne boleyn, katherine howard, marie antoinette. any great - or infamous - queen who died without a head).

i have only just realised that i've spent far too long trying to be the person i most definetly am not - neglecting my work and my family. I've also come to realise that you dont always have to look like you've just strolled off the catwalk to get a guy to look at you. thats the way it should be anyway.

yes, like any other 17 year old girl, i've been hurt, but you just learn from the actions you took in the past that left you vulnerable, which created that empty pit in your stomach. i'm still vulnerable, and paranoia and exhaustion has set in. the monstrous amount of time i sit in my bedroom, doing nothing, doesnt help, and is irritationg to most, but dont take it personally.

jazz, 80's and classical music are the things i attribute to my countless daydreams, along with romance novels, movies and fantasy stories. not to mention my new obsession with the twilight novels by stephanie meyer (thanks vicks!) .

Currently, im focusing on growing up, trying to get over teenage indulgences and fads, and becoming the person i want to be. im not selfish, just distracted. i also apologise if this is defeating the object of my first blog?

So getting back to my many obsessions - Expressions, the little vintage store on walmgate in my historic hometown of York. Topshop, just across the road, and The banana warehouse - Dave Dee shifts things to some. i've really never bought much in the latter, except vinatge china plates for my room, and a pocket watch. i just love it in there, its like a time warp. Errrm, like any female, clothes, shoes, treadmill (i wish i could indulge more in the latter!).

The kings arms on Ouse bridge, the one place with no bouncers on the door, and [Vodka] 'Revs' where we sneak round the back to get in throught the smokers area (sorry bouncer guy, but you do after all go to york college and see us everyday in our under-age states of mind!).

The mighty boosh - utterly the most vile, crude, ridiculously childish TV series ever to be made by 2 grown men - i am in absolute, infallible love with.

Art - always one of my stronger points, but at the moment the most neglected of my abilites (academic A levels: ARGH!) - never ceases to amaze nor captivate me. Whether its a Mme le Brun of Louis XVI, a Picasso, a Monet, or one of those natty little 'box art' peices with a picture of Catherine de Medici inside by Joseph Cornell, i'll stare at it for hours. Wait, unless its a Rene Magritte. Ugh.

Alright, i was obviously born in 1991, but 80's nostalgia takes up a dominant role in my head. One thing i will always be upset about is the fact that my mum threw out all of her 80's clothing, AND her Adam Ant stuff (will someone PLEASE get me an authentic Adam Ant: Prince Charming poster for my room?).

I really wish i had some form of fake ID, because the woman on the door of Reflex - the 80's bar in York (it has a revolving dance floor for christ's sake!)- ALWAYS ID'S me :@. ohhh bugger off. My daydream along these lines, is to go to a proper 80's disco, and dance to 'fade to grey' by visage, dressed like a new romantic (like in that scene in the second episode of the 1st series of Ashes to Ashes). ooooo, 18th birthday plans anyone?

Aaaaand that leads me to Philip Glenister in Life on Mars and Ashes to Ashes.
'You are surrounded by armed bastards'. Need i say more?

Of course, being a student, i have my geeky side. So, rewind a year. im supposed to be revising (memorising in my case!) for my GCSE'S, what does the mother find me doing? reading a 34 page biography of marie antoinette on wikipedia. Ok i wasnt smoking pot or the likes, yet i still got a right rollocking!

Like my best friend victoria, Harry Potter (being an older fix) and Twilight (the new one) are my favourite book sets at the moment. they send me into further isolation and daydreams, but at least im not drinking (sometimes) or snorting cocaine (never). of course, the fact that both of them (when made into movies) somewhere along the line involve actor Robert Pattinson has nothing to do with it. eventhough i did see twilight 3 times this week. HA.

I suppose thats all i have. for now. keep you updated. I promise that all future blogs will not be as long, nor as boring, but introducing oneself is regulation ettiquette in my books/blog!

i WILL however insist on you all listening to 'Flightless bird, American mouth' by Iron and Wine. The most beautiful, and addictive song out there at the moment.

And will someone please make the thought of cutting my hair (again!) leave my head! i really should remove the scissors from my dresser draw.
a.